I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"