I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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