Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
