Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.