Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony