i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
