she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
