i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
