i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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