Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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