i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I need help removing her.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
