I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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