i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
