they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
