Why are handjobs necessary in class?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
