Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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