I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
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WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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