I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
