hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
