Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
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