I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
