Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
