Your mouth is God's brothel.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
