i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
