I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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