I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
