Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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