My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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