omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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