she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
