Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Dignity is for republicans.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
