I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
