sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
