I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
