We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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