i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
