So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
