im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
they need to just BURY HIM!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Couch. On fire.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
