Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
