know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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