Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
