I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
