i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
