I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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