Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
