Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
