He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
