I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I wear drunk well.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
