I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize
