If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
This house was built for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm getting married
To pizza
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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