I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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