i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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