Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My penis needs a shock collar
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
