with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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