hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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