had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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