haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
