I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
