Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
