So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
