haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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