how can u be prego again
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
