obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
