Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
