I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she told me i tasted like america
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
