Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
