Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
