can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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