so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Need sex. Gaining weight.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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