He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
