Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I cannot find my penis.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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