and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
