She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
