I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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