I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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