you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
