i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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