So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
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We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
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I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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