im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
