y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Can Purell be used as lube?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Randomize
