I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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