I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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