"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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