Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
