he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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