The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
